That’s what my legs were screaming when I climbed on my bike this morning.


Because the boy and I went on an epic adventure yesterday.


A 21.15 mile biking adventure to be exact.

We started the day with two tasty protein shakes…

For me: SP Complete Powder, 1 raw egg white, frozen berries, cherries, kale, 1/2 avocado, stevia and water

For him: EAS Chocolate Protein Powder, T peanut butter, 1/2 cup spinach, frozen berries, cherries, soy yogurt and almond milk

We started up in NoHo, went through Burbank down to Griffith Park, and then back using the LA River Bike Path.

Paused at the 11 mile mark for some water; only to find ourselves on empty with no working water fountain nearby…

Luckily a very nice lady having a birthday party in the park offered us a couple of bottles.

Paused again around 15 miles (after cranking out those 4 miles crazy fast) to take pictures.


We saw baby duckies! (They’re really far away, I know)

Mountain views as well…


Stopped at 17.5 miles for lunch at Tony’s. I got chicken sausage over greens with onions, garlic and chili paste, plus some sweet potatoes. Super yum.

The whole ride was GORGEOUS, and while there were a couple of climbs when my gears wouldn’t shift where I thought I was going to die, I felt pretty strong for never having ridden that distance before.

Between working on this doc and dating someone that’s athletic, I’m pushing my body a lot harder than I ever would have thought of doing. I think back to sitting in ED counseling last year and it just occurs to me, wow; I was so fixated on just losing the weight and stopping the behavior that I never took into account what my body might be capable of already. Guess it’s just that low self-esteem coming through.

And while my confidence isn’t exactly the best, it’s getting there. I mean, I signed up for that half (only 2 weeks away!) and thought 20 miles on a bike sounded awesome (even though I’d never gone further than maybe 10). I’m almost on week 3 of the cleanse, and while I still want sweets and carbs, I’m able to keep myself from shoving these things in my face.

In fact, I had a situation Saturday night that I was able to learn from…

So Saturday morning we woke up and did the usual produce pick-up/farmer’s market. Then we went to Universal because the boy got a free pass that was going to expire, so we brought his roommate. It was a VERY sunny day. And I didn’t wear sunscreen.

Did I burn? No; but I did take in too much Vitamin D. Which pulls calcium out of tissue and into the blood stream leaving you cranky and depressed. (read more about that here)

I hadn’t thought much of it until we were watching the Paquiao/Bradley fight later that night. I planned ahead and brought a salad with soft-boiled eggs, and some seltzer water. There was even a baby for me to play with; I LOVE babies! In spite of all this, I still couldn’t shake this feeling of being “sad.” I had no reason to be… we’d had a great day, and even though the Celtics lost (boo), I was enjoying being social. Until I wasn’t anymore. And then I sat fantasizing about buying a gallon of red velvet cake ice cream and a dozen Subway cookies to make and demolish through epic ice cream sandwiches, to the point of planning to go out and buy them the next morning and eat them in secret… until I realized that it was probably because I’d subjected myself to too much sun and that I’d wake up feeling just fine once I got all my supplements in me. And sure enough, I woke up fine. I drank my shake. And biked my ass off.

I’m glad I’m finally learning how to listen to my body. While I’m still planning to eat treats once the cleanse is over and I’m in a stage of maintenance, I want to be able enjoy them; not binge on them and feel guilty to the point of needing to purge. And slowly, I’m learning that I am capable of becoming who I want to be. I just have to have the right attitude and work ethic, and everything else should fall into place.

If ever you are in doubt, just remember…



One thought on “Seriously?

  1. Ooh! I am loving your posts lately! It is so crazy that when you dabble with eating disorders the very things you think you have control over are really out of your hands! It’s only when you start the healing process, start really understanding your body and the way it works, then you can finally have complete control over how to have an optimum life. I couldn’t express it any better than you have! I’m so glad you enjoyed your bike ride – and I too have been having secret longings for that red velvet ice cream. I saw a commercial for it the other day and I can’t get it out of my head.

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