I apologize for saying I’d have an awesome post and then bailing.
I did the same thing on my workout yesterday…
Yup. For the first time in my life, I went into the gym with a workout planned and just left.
Okay, I made a feeble attempt to start. I could tell something was going to be off when the barbell racks AND the lat pull downs were all taken. I grabbed a barbell and began doing the third circuit of my workout (lunges and swiss ball crunches) when my body and brain just completely checked out. I couldn’t breath. I was ready to burst into tears. I tried to ignore it and I did one more set of lunges and finally gave up. I practically sprinted to put my weight away before I started balling in the middle of the weight room.
Ended up going to Panera to drink tea, sift through loan documents and get a very belated birthday card together for my mom.
My cycle ended yesterday, so I guess I could blame it on residual hormones, but I’ve had this sort of “sad” feeling poking at me since Wednesday. Thursday it was more anxiety during the day, but the depression set in around late afternoon and has lasted until, well, now, with small breaks in between.
Had horrible dreams last night that have helped to make me an emotional wreck right now. Just stupid stuff, but when the Bipolar Monster comes to play, it’s really hard to correct the situation when you’re too exhausted to fight it.
The boy really tried to cheer me up, god love him. We even ate Taco Bell last night. But naturally I let Ms. Crabby Pants take over as the night went on, and I inadvertently made him mad at me by retiring to bed early, without telling him.
I think I need a vacation.
Alright, that’s enough moping on my blog for today. Let’s take a look at how I did with my October goals…
Affirmations – definitely stepped up my game in terms of uplifting posts (this one NOT included)
Backloading – was doing really well until a couple days ago… gonna have to hit the reset button on this one.
Cut back on coffee – definitely didn’t follow through on this one. However, I’m doing “No Coffee November” now… day 2… not loving it.
Dent my debt – I plea the 5th
Exercise Posts – I’ve definitely been telling you guys more about my workouts, but actually routine posts have been lacking; I should start posting what I do with my clients.
Food Porn – I started off strong with this… then bailed. I think I’ve been avoiding really looking at what I’ve been eating, which is probably why I feel so fat.. oh vicious cycle.
Gluten Free – for the most part I avoided gluten… then these past few days happened
Hit some balls – well, I’ve been playing… but not well.
Ice cream – we made really good pumpkin ice cream!
Jumprope – didn’t really use it this week, but I used it a lot the rest of October
Kombucha – didn’t happen; but I did win some Kombucha Extract from a giveaway so… does that count?
Lifting! – I lifted a lot; don’t think I really hit any PRs… yesterday’s deadlifts should have been had I not bailed.
Meditate – fail.
Overcome bulimia – 33 days.
Post more – kinda
Quit forcing things – meh.
Run more – running a 10k tomorrow morning!
Submit myself to at least 1 audition/day – so I’ve actually done well at this. Been to a couple workshops and auditions, and have been getting good feedback. Going to a Manager Workshop on Wednesday so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Training – was back on track with my studying until the Bipolar monster took over, so at least I’m getting better.
Underwear pics! – well, you got one…
Vegetables – been eating a LOT of veggies… except for yesterday; Taco Bell oops
Water – this definitely improved
XXX – this was good until the parents came
Yoga – fail.
Zzz – I have been sleeping TERRIBLY
November… no coffee, eat better, sleep better, maybe sugar detox? we’ll see… Almost done NROLFW phase 1, despite yesterday’s setback. 10k in the morning! Thank you all for reading 🙂