I’m a complainer. I’ll admit it. When things are going great, I’m bubbly and giddy, but when things are going wrong LOOK OUT. I don’t think I can even blame the bipolar on this one; it’s like a whole other person comes out of me. A cranky, cynical, whiney, depressed person.
So as I watched my bank account dip into the red, and felt my jeans hug a little more snugly (as well as viewed some rather unflattering photos of myself; there’s a reason not everyone is a photographer), it was easy for me to let myself go to that dark place.
But yesterday I realized, I don’t have to let things drag me down. I can just choose to be happy.
I’m happy coaching my runners, even if being up at 5:45am does suck a whole lot. I’m happy modeling, even if I’m not getting paid yet. I’m happy grocery shopping with the boy, loving the domesticity of it. I’m happy having the sweetest date night roasting hot dogs and s’mores, and drinking champagne out of plastic picnic cups. And I’m happy to have celebrated the end of a long run with some great people and a few good drinks.
Is my life perfect? Of course not. I’m poor as hell, I’m frustrated with these 5lbs that fluctuate by the week, and I wonder when my acting career will comprise of more than just taking my clothes off. But while I was out last night, I was painfully aware of how unhappy the people around me were. Not necessarily from the show ending, but because it was all they had. People who are lonely, or unhappy in their marriages, or who simply don’t know what else to do but act. I feel so incredibly lucky to be in an awesome relationship with an amazing guy who makes me happy, as well as having other passions and pastimes so my life isn’t consumed with “being an actor.” Granted, this whole personal trainer thing is taking off a bit faster than expected and my schedule is still in a whirlwind, but I was hired by one of the top gym franchises in the country 1 WEEK after getting certified. That doesn’t happen everyday.
So as I go into my busy week of training for a new job, and traveling to the boy’s hometown for his sister’s wedding, I’m trying hard not to focus on the negative. I can have fun without spending money. 5 extra pounds does not make me a cow (even though Auntie Flo would like me to believe it…). I have an amazing boyfriend and I’m so excited to spend time with his family. Next week there will be plenty of time for kick ass workouts.
Until then, choose to be happy.