I’ve been going crazy since FitBloggin’… and not even with blog stuff!!!
With reading all of these awesome new blogs and learning about other people’s health and fitness journeys I’ve learned two things:
- I’m not alone.
- I’ve got a ways to go.
I’d be lying if I said I was doing well on this whole self-love thing. I suspect that not taking my medication as a result of not having enough sleep is a big culprit… it’s hard to stay positive and love yourself when you’re depressed, anxious and exhausted.
I’ve definitely put on some weight since the Force Factor challenge as a direct result of not being as diligent with my food intake. For a while there, it felt good to just eat what I wanted and not have to care so much. But as the pounds started creeping back up and the gluten caused a permanent “pudge” I began to get discouraged. I stopped eating what I wanted when I was hungry and went back to emotional eating. Will I ever escape it??
Ever since starting at Gold’s, my sleeping and eating has been TERRIBLE and my workouts have been pitiful as a result… leading me to be way too hard on myself and probably retaining MORE weight from the stress.
So, I quit Gold’s.
It wasn’t an easy decision… I hate quitting things. I already beat myself up for failing in other facets of my life. But at the end of the day, I wasn’t putting in the energy required to make the gym or myself money.
I think it will work out for the best… pilot season is approaching fast and with a new commercial and theatrical agent in my arsenal, I will hopefully have a lot of audition opportunities. If I were at Gold’s, I’d likely have to turn a bunch down. Gotta put my eggs in the right basket.
My main dilemma now is deciding if I want to keep paying for my gym membership and try to do the weight loss protocol of NROLFW (I’m two workouts in since FitBloggin’) or if I want to save some money by doing Insanity at home instead. Yes, I will probably miss lifting weights, but maybe Insanity is the change up I need to start seeing results.
That and cleaning up my diet.
So I’m back on MFP (sjbangs) and I’m weighing and measuring and ESPECIALLY cutting back on alcohol.
I’m still not super pumped with the way my body is right now, and I have a hard time not saying mean things to myself when I look in the mirror… but I have to remind myself that I am capable of getting to where I want to be as long as I am willingly to fail.
And stay away from mirrors.