Injury Brought Me Back

I’ve come out of the wood work to talk about training for LA Marathon. It’s not going great…

I haven’t been in true working order running-wise since about September. Because it’s my job to coach runners, however, I’ve continued to run in the hopes that everything will just fix itself. It hasn’t. It’s gotten worse. I’ve gone from having some mild pain in my ankle/achilles to severe pain in my ankle/achilles to my knee all of a sudden popping at the beach. My ankle has since been feeling better but my knee is in bad shape. So bad that when I went out to run my 20 miler this morning I had to quit a mile and a half in.

I feel pathetic. I feel like a failure. I hate myself right now. But what am I supposed to do? Injure it worse?

I’m really worried I won’t be able to run LA Marathon. That’s the first time I’ve acknowledged it. I don’t want to let my runners down. I don’t want to let ME down. This has been one of the biggest things in my life since November. I can’t just quit now.

My weight has been bringing me down emotionally as well. I’ve been back on meds for a couple months now and I think they’re making me fat. I’ve been going to CrossFit and a lot of my strength is still there but I just feel HUGE. Which also can’t be good on my knee; the extra weight I mean.

I did Whole30 for January with my clients and I felt no change. I was tired all the time (still am) and didn’t lose any weight. I’m just so frustrated! I don’t know what else to do except for going back to counting calories like a Nazi and that turns me into a stressed out crazy person.

I guess I just wish there was a quick fix for all of it, even though I know there isn’t. I’m gonna have to suck it up and go for more PT even though I’d rather spend that money on CrossFit. And I’ll have to workout harder and be mindful of what I’m eating since my meds probably do contribute to weight gain.

I should probably give myself a break… I’ve been going pretty non-stop since July. The boy and I are heading to Catalina the end of March and I am beyond excited. I’m so tired all the time that I feel like I’ve been emotionally neglecting my relationship and I hate it. I’m just so overwhelmed with training, and figuring out what to do with my life… saving up to go back to school, if I think that’s a viable option. Or finding something that pays well in Portland for when we move. Right now it feels like I’m just going to be stuck in minimum wage jobs while I cross my fingers that the acting thing will work out.

I think I need a fairy godmother. Or a therapist.

Maybe both.

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